It hurts because she was one of the girls I knew he liked when we were dating, and it did bother me a lot. He even ended up blocking her on Facebook for me, because I was upset that they talked so much, which is something I didn't even know until we broke up. So now I feel like shit because I made a huge deal about it when he was actually more invested in me than he was her.
It hurts because it seems like since he has liked her for awhile, they might be together for a good while. Maybe even as long as...or longer than us.
It hurts because he had always told me she meant nothing, and even told me that he found her rather annoying. Of course...I had always said the same thing about him before we got together, and look what happened. He even told me when we broke up, that it wasn't because he wanted to be with her. But here we are, a month later...
It hurts because quite honestly he still treats me in generally the same way. Still makes a point to come and talk to me during the one class we have together at school, sometimes still walks me to my next class, talks to me on Facebook at random times, even sometimes comes and sits and talks with me during the free hour that we both have at school. I've come to realize that...she and I have basically switched places. She has become his girlfriend, and I have become the girl he hangs out with when his girlfriend isn't around. (That sounds like cheating but its not. I know he wasn't cheating on me, just hanging out with her a lot. I couldn't think of any other way to word it.) I know this is probably extremely shallow, but...whenever he talks to me I try to act like I always did, the way he always told me was cute. I try to do the things he always told me made him smile. Just to spark something, anything that might make him remember...
It hurts because...a waaaay way long time ago, in my first relationship (and only other relationship besides him), that guy left me for someone else as well. But, after about 3 months, he came right back to me. We dated again and it was great, but he was a huge cheat and I didn't see it but that's beside the point. My point is that I keep thinking, hoping that this one will work out the same way. That eventually, hopefully sooner than later, he'll break it off with her, and I might have a chance again...
It hurts because he doesn't break up with someone very easily, especially if he's very fond of her. I mean, I told you he put up with my shit for 2 whole years, right? I feel like he might end up staying with her for a long time even if he's unhappy in the relationship like he was with ours. And quite honestly that makes me upset for the obvious reason, as well as the fact that he would be unhappy for a long time, even when he doesn't have to be, and I don't want that for him. All I want now is for him to be happy...
It hurts because I've known her for longer than he has, and I know her and how immature she is about relationships. She's the kind of person who will go out with anyone just for the glamour of having a boyfriend, not because she actually likes a person. She treats these sort of things like a kid in elementary school. Example? Two summers ago when I met her, there was a guy she liked (for no other reason than "he was cute") so what does she do? Has someone else go and tell him that. LIKE AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL KID. Then instead of going and talking to him about it, she waits until we're all hanging out in a group, and then ASKS HIM IF HE LIKES HER BACK IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS GROUP OF US, MAKING THINGS REALLY AWKWARD FOR EVERYBODY. He had to say no, and so THEN, she goes and pouts about it, saying that she hates him and things like that. THAT IS WHAT YOU DO IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.
It hurts because I know of plenty of stories of people who broke up but then ultimately ended up getting back together, and their relationship is even better than it was before. One couple I know had been dating since like middle school and apparently broke up after awhile, but not they're married. My best friend, who started dating her boyfriend on the same day he and I started dating, broke up with her boyfriend a few months after they had been together, but they got back together and have been awesome ever since. I just feel like that could be us...
It hurts because...this one is hard for me to talk about...
When we were breaking up, he told me numerous times that this was forever, we would never have another chance, we weren't getting back together now or ever. Now I know, that sometimes people say things they don't mean, in the heat of the moment or whatever, but I know him. Very well. He's very stubborn about those things. I feel like...if ever I did get a chance, he would tell me no again just because he said he wouldn't.
Okay, so...obviously I'm upset for a lot of reasons right now. And I think the things that are making me have hope are just making it worse. Like...the fact that he doesn't seem as invested in her as he did in me when we first got together. The fact that she and I are very similar-short, chubby, nerdy, not conventionally attractive-so maybe it's just a rebound sort of thing. I don't know, there's a lot more. Writing here really helps. I know no one's listening, but getting me feelings out there helps a little bit. And if anyone does happen to read this...please know that I'm not desperate. I know it probably seems that way, but...you have to understand. I did this. I ruined my own relationship. I took him for granted. And I lost the one thing that was keeping me going everyday, even though I didn't realize it at the time. I can't get over that. I ruined everything...
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