Don't Forget Me

Um...I got a new blog.
It's just...this one has turned into something completely unintended. It's hard to explain, but if I keep doing what I'm doing here, it's just gonna be more of a big mess. So..just click here to go to the new one. Just a warning though...it's absolutely nothing like this one.

Now, not to say that I'm going to completely abandon this blog. There may be some circumstances where I'll write here every once in awhile. Or maybe not. I don't know at this point. But if you're really that interested in what I'm up to and stuff...that link is the place to go.

So..I guess this is it. For now.
So long.

Stuph

"The sky could be blue, could be gray
Without you I just slide away
The sky could be blue, I don't mind
Without you it's a waste of time"

                     -Strawberry Swing by Coldplay



Well, since this has become the only place I can rant about nothing without anyone having to listen to me, I figure now is as good a time as ever to explode all over the place.
Certain events from the past few months have sort of opened my eyes a little. I'm turning into a different person. I'm not quite sure how I feel about it yet. But I've noticed...I'm a lot more outgoing than I used to be. A little less worried about some things, a little more concerned about others. I have a different attitude towards a lot of stuff. There was some sort of barrier before, and I've broken it. I wouldn't exactly say that I've become a new person or anything. Just...maybe I've done a little growing-up. Huummm...
That's all I can come up with right now.
More later. Or maybe not.

Rah-rah...royalty?

"You're the girl that cries, "Water in the basement"
Everybody stop, wait, look, see
You're the girl that could lie to my face
And fabricate a flood to get through to me
I went away and you found a replacement
So call him, don't call me
To the girl that cries, "Water in the basement"
You drama everything"

                                -Drama Everything by Blue October

Hi!

See that exclamation point?

Hmm...I'm bored.

Oh I know. This post may seem a bit stingy...but it's my blog. I can do that.

So pretty much every school in America has a homecoming. And a lot of schools do the thing where during the week leading up to homecoming, you get to have those dress-up days with a different theme everyday. So that's pretty cool, right? Yeah. But you know what I don't like? Voting for things like "homecoming attendants" and "king & queen"...especially the way my school does it. The whole thing's one huge popularity contest. I mean seriously. Not once have I ever seen someone who was not considered "popular" be nominated. Now, not that these people aren't good people, that's not what I'm saying. But still...why do we have to establish who's the most popular in school? Isn't school a place for learning?

I dunno. That's Kenzeh's view on things.

Huh. Kinda short post today. I probably coulda said more but...oh well.

Aaaaanyway...um. Bye.

Math Is A Wonderful Thing

"I just wanted you to know
That the world is ugly,
But you're beautiful to me."

                                                 -The World Is Ugly by My Chemical Romance

Hi.
I am litterally staring at a blank page with nothing in mind here. So...I guess this should be interesting.
Hmmm...
Oh, I know.

I am a perfectionist.
So much so that I am, in fact, obsessive-compulsive. I mean, think about it: Have you ever seen me use any texting abbreviations (ur, lyk, thx, abt...you know, junk like that.) at all? No, you haven't. Know why? Cause I'm THAT much of a perfectionist. I have to type just as perfect as I do anything else. It's like this with everything I do. If I write a letter weird looking, gotta erase it till it looks right. If I set something up but it doesn't look quite right, I'll have to rearrange it till its perfect. It even bothers me when my room is messy, which it is most of the time, but still. And my grades. That's a big one. If they're not all within the A-B range, Kenzeh is not happy.
So why all the sudden am I caring less about school work?
I don't know.
But it happened towards the end of last year.
Now, if you know me at all, you know that my math skills are nowhere near up to par. But that doesn't mean I still didn't want to try. And for the first two and a half semesters, all that trying was getting me a B. Good enough for me. Heh, that rhymed, but anyway, towards the end of the third semester, that B turned into a B-. And then a C. And eventually, yes, an F. And for some reason, I really wasn't bothered by it. I mean sure, the fact that I was going to have to retake the class haunted me a little. But other than that I was just kind of like, whatever.
Somehow, at the end of the year, that F worked its way back up to a B. I don't know how that happened either, but thank god it did. This year my math class isn't nearly as difficult as it was last year. Which is a good thing, I suppose.

Well, I just spent 20 minutes writing about something no one cares about. So that's pretty cool.
Erm...have a nice day.

Tommorow...And Beyond?

"Take me off your worry list.
It'll be better that way.
I'm really fine and there's nothing we haven't talked about.
So, take me off your worry list I said, "Throw it away."
This is what my life is about.
I might have been gone but I never walked out."

                                        -The Worry List by Blue October

Hullo thar.

Today, I had an epiphany.

For most of my life, I've been in an extreme rush to grow up. I've always wanted to be one step closer, one step higher than I already was. Even now, I can't wait to freaking move out of my parents house and settle down in a place of my own.

But here's the thing:
I'm not ready.

In no way, shape, or form am I ready to take life by myself. I want to, don't get me wrong there. But when I think of the future, I can't put myself in that situation. I can't see myself with a job, a family, a house, responsibility. I mean heck, I'll be 16 in less than three months. Three months!! I'll be able to drive on my own, I could get a job if I wanted, I could even legally drop out of school. (Don't worry, I'm not going to.) Plus, 16 is two years away from the age where I finally CAN move out of my parents house, get a real job, go to college, and more important junk like that. But for some reason, I still see myself as a kid. I can't see myself getting a job now, even though a lot (if not most of) my friends already have one. I can't see myself driving to school everyday, even though, again, most of my friends do, and anayway I drive with my permit pretty much everywhere I go. And I definitely cannot see myself living on my own...and thankfully none of my friends do that yet. But still. I better get myself out of this mindset soon, otherwise we may start having some problems...

Sigh...well anyway, summer's almost over and that sucks. Suuuuuucks.
I'm gonna go do something else now. Like go to sleep.
Au revior.

Blue Does

"By the way
By your side I'll stay
If that's okay
Then by your side I'll stay forever
Here I am standing up
Because I want to fall in love with you..."

                                          -Clumsy Card House by Blue October



I'm tired and I hurt, but I don't wanna go to bed. So what do I do? Write a blog, of course...

Sometimes I just wish that there was some point in my life where everything would be perfect. Nothing would go wrong, and for awile, I could just live. Unfortunately, life has it's ways of making you feel down every once in awhile, and I guess it's just something we have to learn to put up with.
And I'm totally not saying that I'm unhappy with my life. I'm not. But at the same time, I can't truthfully say that I'm happy with it either. It's another one of those stupid in-between things. I can't even think of a word for it. Humm...

In other completelty unrelated news, in just 6 days, my friends from Japan will be coming to stay with me for about 2 weeks. It'll be pretty awesome.

I'm sorry but, now I have to write about Blue October again...
I just stopped writing for a minute and went through some of their stuff for the first time in awhile...
I remember the first time I listened to a Blue October song. Okay wait, I take that back, I probably don't actually remember the very first time because it was probably on the radio or something when I was little and wasn't paying attention. But the first time I reeeally listened to a Blue October song. It was "Hate Me," one of the popular ones that gets more airplay. I was like, "Oh yeah, I've heard this before." And that was about it. Then after awhile I started listening to more and more of their stuff...and overtime, I became addicted to them. Not just them, but to their sound, their lyrics, their emotion...basically, I fell in love. Now I listen to them everyday. My favorite songs of theirs are mostly the slower, more meaningful ones like Graceful Dancing, Everlasting Friend, She's My Ride Home...now I have to go listen.
You should, too.
Bye.

Instruments Of Amazingness

"All the other kids with the pumped up kicks
You'd better run, better run, outrun my gun
All the other kids with the pumped up kicks
You'd better run, better run, faster than my bullet"

                                  -Pumped Up Kicks by Foster The People

So. My current obsession is this.



That kid right there is named SungHa Jung. He's from Korea and he's like, a year younger than me. This is my favorite video of his because he's playing one of my favorite piano songs (On guitar, of course). It's called "River Flows In You", which is by a guy named Yiruma who is also Korean. I dunno what it is about this song that always makes me wanna cry when I listen to it, but anyway. Both these guys have some major talent. Go to this kid's YouTube page and you'll see all the amazing stuff he can do. And then go listen to some Yiruma. All of his compositions are pretty amazing as well.

Sooo anyway...that's really all I wanted to say. I guess I'll resume having no life now.

Adios muchachas.

The Ranting Again

"Dare me to jump?

Dare me to breathe?

Cause I am stronger than you've seen

If you're willing to wait

I'll give you your wish

Just turn your back and then you'll see"

This song was written by me a few years back when I was 12 or 13. If you can guess what it's about, you are a genius and I love you.

I have realized over the years that I'm kind of a terrible writer. Like, I'll write something and think, "Hey, this is awesome!" But then I'll read it again and again...and then it just seems stupid. Or I'll read something that someone else wrote and I'll be like, "Ehhh that's so much awesomer than mine". So I pretty much just quit writing at all anymore. But I kind of miss it. I was going through some old notebooks, where I happened to find that song, along with a few others that I wrote around that same time. I'm pretty sure I thought they were pretty good when I wrote them, but ya know. I was only 13.

I pretty much can't do anything. I'm not very talented. I can't write, I can't draw, I can't dance, I can't play sports...pretty much all I do is play instruments and sing, and I'm not even perfect at that. Oh, I make videos and nerdy junk like that too, but hardly anyone considers that a talent unless you're some YouTube sensation or something, which I am not.

Well, anyway, I'm done ranting...for now.

Oh, and here's another Blue October video, just because I can.

Now THAT is a lyrical genius right there. Says me, I don't care what you think.

Well bye.

You're An Ambulance!

"Alone at last, we can sit and fight.
And I've lost all faith in this blurring light,
But stay right here we can change our plight.
We're storming through this despite what's right"

                                     -Knives and Pens by Black Veil Brides

Okay people, prepare for spelling mistakes! I fractured my right ring finger and I'm stuck with a splint which makes it very difficult to type. So...all spelling mistakes get blamed on this lovely piece of metal stuck on my hand.

I went to the emergency room for it because my finger was crooked, and before this, I had never been to an ER before. When I walked in I was totally expecting to see someone covered in blood or something like that. Like, a REAL emergency. But there wasn't anyone there...just me. Then it started filling up...guy who fell off a ladder and couldn't breathe, girl with a terrible headache, dude with a possibly broken leg...I felt bad...my finger was only fractured! But it was kind of amazing how the people who were in more pain than me were so willing to joke around and talk to people they didn't know. I had a whole conversation with Broken Leg Dude, and he was laughing the whole time. And Ear Infection That Won't Go Away Girl was talking with us too. It was kind of awesome. I forgot about my finger and almost wanted to just stay in the waiting room the whole time, just to find out if these people were gonna be okay.

It was cool. Different, but cool.

Well...I have nothing else to write about. I guess I'll do the obvious thing and go to bed...or stay on the computer until I have to force myself upstairs. Yeah, let's go with that.



Malfunction

"And I wish you’d stay
That was the beginning of the two of us, the start of our show
Stay, stay, stay...
Now I would never have let go"

                              -The Feel Again (Stay) by Blue October

Another masterpiece from the lyrical genius known as Justin Furstenfield..

We meet again. This time sooner than last...heh. I honestly have no idea what the following will entail, so bear with me here.

Er...I think I'll just post a video now. My mind has decided to fail me once again.

Here's a scene- er um, clip, from one of my favorite movies, The Producers.

There's a few reasons why this is one of my favorite movies. One being Matthew Broderick and Nathan Lane. The next being that it's a musical, and last the fact that it's freaking hilarious. I could watch it every day and not be tired of it.

Oh yeah...I watched E3 last week. (If you don't know what that is, I'm not taking the time to explain it. I'm too lazy) Now I really freaking wish I had an XboX 360. The new motion control is all futuristic and junk.

And I'm sure I already mentioned Blue October's new album a million times already, but here it comes again. Is it possible to be in love with a band? I think it is. It's almost like they get inside my mind and then write down my thoughts and turn them into songs...woah. How cool would that be? XD

This blog has been sufficiently less entertaining then the last few...hurgh. Sorry. My mind packed up and left for Japan already. : /
I think I'll go now before I blow up the interwebz. I'm feeling kind of lyrical though...maybe I'll write a poem or some lyrics or something tommorow.
Later alligator.

Let Me Count The Ways...

"Take my hand
Maybe we should run away
Maybe we should disappear
Leave everything behind
Like the useless things
Boxes labeled memories
The sudden health emergencies
Yeah we could leave those things behind"

                            -The Chills by Blue October

This one is from Blue October's new album called "Any Man In America", which comes out August 16th. I can't wait!

Aaaaanyway, hi. How are you? Me, I'm doing great. Awesome. The only thing that's bugging me at the moment is 1. The fact that I have to wake up early every weekday in June for drivers ed, and 2. I really freaking want some Natchan right now, but it's only available in Japan, where I do not live. But as of late, I have many reasons to be happy, most of which I will list for you right now.

1. I recently recieved a few pretty awesome parts in my local theatre group's summer musical, The Wiz. I've got lines this time around!

2. La-la-la-love is in the air... ;)

3. My friends from Japan are coming to stay with me at the end of July. 私はとても興奮しています！私は待つことができない!!

4. By the end of this year, I will have my drivers liscense, which means I can go where I want, when I want.

5. School's out for summer! School's out forever!

6. Blue October is coming out with an amazing new album pretty soon.

That's 6 right there, and I'm sure there's more I'm forgetting about. But yeah, so this is cool. Now I want some KoolAid. Gah, I really wish I could move to Japan already. They have amazing stuff there! I wanted some Mitsuya Cider earlier, then I wanted some Qoo...even some Pocari Sweat would work. It's kind of like flavorless Gatorade. I had it on my first night there, and I was like, "Woah...this is weird". But I kind of miss the taste of it. Also, Japan's Grape Fanta is amazing. Better than here. Sigh...oh well. I'll get there soon enough.

...I also just realized that if you read that last paragraph really fast, I would sound like a hyper ADHD kid. XD

Well, I'm done for now. I have to wake up early for...oh, nevermind. I already said that.

So...bai.

And All That Jazz

"I made it through the rain
I kept my world protected
I made it through the rain
I kept my point of view
I made it through the rain
And found myself respected
By the others who
Got rained on too
And made it through"

                             -I Made It Through The Rain by Barry Manilow

Now I know what you're thinking. Why in the hell is a 15 year old girl listening to Barry Manilow? Isn't he like...old?

Well, yes. Yes he is. The only reason I like this song is because we were singing it in my choir class the other day because it's a possible candidate for the senior graduation song. It's actually quite a pretty song, you should listen to it.

So anyway, summer is definitelty here. It's like, 92 degrees here and I'm hot as heck. I can't wait for school to be out. But then I have to take drivers ed, which means I'll probably have to wake up early most mornings...gah. Oh well. At least I'll get to drive on my own by next year.

Have you ever seen the movie Chicago? I've only seen it, oh, about 1000 times. It's my favorite musical, and recently my local theatre group decided to do that show for their season. I was all like, "YAY! OMG I'm so totally gonna own this!" Then I found out that you had to be at least 18 to try out because of adult content...maaaaajor letdoooown. I mean, I've seen the movie more times than I can count, and anyway, it's not like I haven't seen/heard this stuff before. Oh well. I ended up doing lights for the production, so I got in on the action anyway. But it really is an amazing musical. I was smiling the whole time I was watching it.

So anyway, there's your slice of life from Kenzie. See ya soon.

*stare*

"A wish for all (Wish for all)
To blossom and to change
Mystical (Mystical)
Ancient, and forgotten ways

Iachoku, Iachoku
I'm not as sweet as I've lead you
Iachoku, Iachoku
With spiders beside her"

                               -Spider Besider by Secret and Whisper

Before I start, I'm gonna put this awesome song right here. ^^



Kenzeh loves this song.

Anyway, today I went to the eye doctor becuase I can't see right out of my glasses anymore.So the doctor decided to dialate my eyes...it was awesome. My pupils were HUGE. There was almost no iris left. Then he told me I get to pick out new glasses frames for my new glasses, and I'm like, yay! New glasses! Then he tells me that I'll probably have to wear them all the time...not so yay. I only wear the ones I have now sometimes for school when I can't see the board and other stuff, but apparently my vivsion got worse, so now I have fulltime glasses. Oh well, I'll get used to it. When I left, my eyes were still dialated, so they were SUPER sensitive to light. I walked outside and everything was like, "BRIIIGHT!! OWWW!!". The optomitrist gave me those foldable sunglasses to wear. They looked ridiculous on me. XD

Also today, I downloaded Netflix onto my Wii. This is the best descision I have ever made. I now have access to full seasons of more than 20 Animes, not to mention stuff like Family Guy and junk. 

In other news, The Reenactment of the Battle of Pea Ridge has come to our town again this year. It's a yearly thing. They come and reenact the battle, plus they set up little shops and sell old timey stuff. The one thing I wanted when I got there was rock candy. I freaking love rock candy. See, usually everybody goes straight for the root beer/sasparilla. I, however, do not care for root beer. So I got me my rock candy and I was happy. What did I do when I went back the next day? Bought some more rock candy. And also some root beer, which I kind of drank, but they didn't give me a cork to put in the top for some reason, so it went flat really fast and I ended up giving the last of it away. It was interesting. I still like rock candy better.

So, there ya have it. That's what Kenzeh has been up to as of late.

I shall write more when something else worth writing about happens.



Chicka Chicka Ahh!

"And now that I'm strong
I have figured out
How this world turns cold
and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find
deep inside me
I can be the one"

                            -Your Guardian Angel by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

 

Why helloooo there beautiful people.

Goodness, it seems I have almost forgotten about this thing. Again. I need to work on my consistency. But, anywho, lemme give y'all a quick little update.

So Florida was the most awesomest thing ever. I had more fun there than I've had in a long time. I guess it was a much needed vacation. Even though I was ignorant and got an extremely terrible sunburn that made it almost impossible to move...heh.

I'm getting better and better everyday. At what, you ask? Well, most everything. I feel better than I did awhile ago. If you haven't read my posts from about two pages back, don't. They're too negative. I like this mindset much better. :)

...I hate when this happens. I have all these ideas in my head that I'm gonna write about, and then once I get here they disappear.

Huummm....I'll find out if I made varsity or jr. varsity show choir for next year tommorow. That's exciting. I guess.

I guess I'll have to write a new post later tonight or tommorow. Cuz seriously, I had like a bajillion things I was gonna write and then they all went *poof!* and disappeared somewhere in the atmosphere. Oh well. See you soon. :)




*nyahshivershivernyah*

"Ima sara dakedo arigatou wo kimi e arigatou wo kimi e
shizuka ni sotto sasaete kureteta ne
jikan wo ima koete arigatoutte kimi e
sunao ni nare nakute tojita mama datta kokoro no naka no arubamu hiroge
boku ga mae muitara omoide tachi ga waratta"

          -Sayonara by Orange Range

So...yesterday I had two Monster Energy drinks. I've never had a Monster before in my life. Do you know what happened? I had like, this mini-freakout. It was weird. My friend drinks Monsters like, everyday and she's fine. But I drank two right in a row..first I was all like, Omgtheskyisbluedidyouknowthatheythisisreallygoodifeellikerunningaroundforeveromgomgomg*shiver*. Seriously. Then I was kinda like, eh, this is getting old. Then it was like, *screech* CRASH! Then...it was like omgtheskyisblue and CRASH! at the same time. Then I couldn't sleep. I don't think I should drink another one.

Hmm hmm hmm...I'm going to Florida in a week, so this blog will most likely be defunct for the next week or so. I promise to blog all about it when I get back. :)
By the way, today Tapulous came out with Green Day Revenge. OhMyEffingGod. It is amazing and was waaaaay overdue. I am in love with it. XD
All for now.

Are We Not Like Two Volumes Of One Book?

"Well now this could be last of all the rides we take
So hold on tight and don't look back
We don't care about the message or the rules they make
I'll find you when the sun goes black
And you only live forever in the lights you make
When we were young we used to say
That you only hear the music when your heart begins to break
Now we are the kids from yesterday"

                    -The Kids From Yesterday by My Chemical Romance

I recieved some really bad news today that made me cry. My best friend is going to a different school, and I won't see him again till who knows when. I can't even see him on the weekends or anything because it's kind of a boarding school. But I mean...I've known this kid since I was in pre-school, for crying out loud! He's my best friend. He's the kinda guy who'll just let you cry on his shoulder if you need to...seriously. When he told me, that's exactly what I did. Sigh...you see how that song quote ties in with this post now?

But, other than that, things are going pretty well for me. I bounced back a little quicker this time. I think it's all this J-Pop. It puts me in a good mood. :)

Well...I'll survive. Just gotta keep that positive attitude going and I'll be fine.

At least I don't tape my glasses together...

"Daisuki sugicha iya desu ka? 
Nihon no genki wa dou narimasuka
Suka suka BIITO wa suki desu ka?
Anata wo shiritai! Yeah!"

                  -Maji Desu Ka Suka! by Morning Musume

I'm thinking about starting a new blog. Wanna know what'd be about? ...no? Too bad, I'm gonna tell you anyway.
It'd be sort of an otaku blog. And for those of you who don't know what an otaku is, it's a Japanese word that loosely translates to "nerd" or "geek". In America, it's used to describe someone obsessed with Japanese anime, manga, J-Pop...basically, someone like me. Of course, I'd still update this blog, too. Just, I'd have two blogs instead of one.^^ But this one would be like, the nerdiest blog ever. In fact...that's not a bad idea for a name. (Lightbulb!) It probably wouldn't be just about Japanese stuff, either. Just nerdy stuff I come across...video games, comics, movies, technology, drama stuff...ya know. :)
I think this is an idea of mine that I'm actually going to put into action. It might take awhile, but once it's up I'll post a link to it.
Yay! This is gonna be awesome! I'm happy. ^^



Fail #92783423894623

"When I remember back far, far
The future was forever shining
Below the pretty blue sky
We slept endlessly"

                -Passion by Utada Hikaru

So...it's turning into spring very quickly outside. Today after school I walked outside and it was really warm and pretty...and then it started raining. Thanks, nature, for ruining my moment.

Another show choir competition tommorow. And boy do I need it. It'll be good to not think for a few hours. Not that things aren't getting better, but it wouldn't hurt them to speed up a little bit.

Let's see, what else is noteworthy today...

I was thinking today (thinking=watching J-pop videos on YouTube on a Friday night when I could be out having a life) and I kinda thought that I wanna be part of a J-pop group. Not that that would ever happen, but hey, a girl can dream, can't she?  

Hmmm...my brain has failed me once again. I have absolutely nothing to write about. I guess I'll go now...
Um, bye.



Who Do You Think You Are?

"Hey break me if you can
You are someone I don't love until I die
I did but not anymore
Hey break me if you can
You are someone I don't mind
Can't remember how we used to be"

                                 -(Can't Remember) How We Used To Be by Ellegarden

 

Good news. I'm going to state with my individual speech! Bad news. It's on the last show choir competition day of the season, which means I'll probably have to miss show choir. This makes Kenzeh sad. : /

But I think now would be a good time to talk about the last competition I went to, which was yesterday.

The whole time I was there, I don't think I thought once about anything else except for being there, in the moment. This happens everytime I go to a competition, and I'm totally not saying it's a bad thing. It's actually a really good thing. It's kinda interesting.

Heh. Remember that post I wrote a super long time ago about nicknames? I remembered another one that I forgot to put down. Here's the story.

I was doing sound for an independant theatre production, and the guy who was doing lights (a good friend of mine who sat next to me in the booth the whole time) had the last name of Boltz. He told us the story of how when he was born, his father wanted to name him Rusty. His mom said that'd be great...if their last name wasn't Boltz. (Get it? Rusty Boltz? Heh heh.) So we started calling him Rusty. I think we all probably forgot his real name. Then we got a new guy and dubbed him "Shiny" to go with Rusty. After that they decided to call me Sparkly to go along with everything else. So now I'm credited with "Sparkly" in between my first and last names in all the programs and when anyone needs someone to run sound or lights, they get reffered to Sparkly. I thought it kind of fit me anyway. :)

So...gee. I feel like I should post a video now. I dunno which one though. I'll think of something...

 

Here's a song I'm in love with right now. Like, seriously. I. Am. In. Love. With. This. Song.

Sayonara.

I Caught The Insomnia Bug

"There's a siren screaming
'I'm alive!', it cries"

                  -Cigarettes and Valentines by Green Day

I had an idea for a movie today. It probably won't ever happen, but...it was pretty cool anyway.

So..hmm. This "revelation a day" thing is kind of terrible. I can't write about it all without sounding like I'm whining. So I won't. I'll just keep it to myself. Like always.

Well, looks like this will be another weekend without sleep. Another speech/show choir competition this Saturday. I'm doing individuals this time, a monologue from a play called Reckless. It's pretty interesting.

I wonder if it's possible to develop insomnia overtime. Like, to not be born with it but like, kind of catch it. But not really catch it, because yeah, I know it's not contagious. You know what I mean.

Or narcolepsy. Do you have to be born with narcolepsy?

I looked it up. You don't have to be born with it. It can develop overtime. There, you learned something today.

Hurrgh...I'm gonna go finish off my orange soda. Which is a terrible idea, considering I'm going to bed soon. But since when do I make good descisions?

Namidacchi

"Will you think of me in time?
It's never my luck...

So, nevermind."

                          -My Never by Blue October

You ever have that feeling like, "It'd be better if I hadn't heard that, even though it's still going to happen."

Just wondering.

So today, it hit me like a ton of bricks: I miss 2010. So much. 2010 was probably the most amazing year I've ever been through in my entire life. From begininng to end, I had a reason to smile, even if I didn't realize it at the time. Even if I wanted to be stubborn and feel sorry for myself, I still had it pretty good. Which I guess I still do have it pretty good, even if I don't like to admit it.

Um...here. Here's a pretty Morning Musume song. I don't...I don't really know what else to write today. So...listen to Namidacchi (Tears) and then go play outside or something.

You And Me And Everyone Else

"But why here? How is this better than home? And if it's so great, why leave? These are things I cannot imagine, and I realize that I cannot imagine them because I didn't know Margo. I knew how she smelled, and I knew how she acted in front of me, and I knew how she acted in front of others, and I knew that she liked Mountain Dew and adventure and dramatic gestures, and I knew that she was funny and smart and just generally more than the rest of us. But I didn't know what brought her here, or what kept her here, or what made her leave. I didn't know why she owned thousands of records but never told anyone she even liked music. I didn't know what she did at night, with the shades down, with the door locked, in the sealed privacy of her room.

And maybe this was what I needed to do above all. I needed to discover what Margo was like when she wasn't being Margo."

                            -Quentin Jacobson, Paper Towns

Last night, I finished reading an amzing book. Paper Towns.

I actually cried twice towards the end. That's how good it was.

This book thinks a lot like I do. Granted, yeah, it's a book, it doesn't think. But you catch my drift. 

How many times do we stop to think about people differently than we know them? Do they have lives outside us? Of course they do. But what are they?

I know for a fact that I am a completely different person when I am around my friends. And no, this does not mean I can't be myself around my friends. The way I act around my friends is completely different than the way I act when no one's around, but it's still the same me. I'm always me, no matter where or who I'm with, but it might be a different version of me.

So take a minute here to think. Are you still the same person no matter where you go?

11 Roses

"And who do you think you are?
Runnin' round leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

Tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

So don't come back for me...

Don't come back at all!"

                -Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri

Ahh, Valentine's Day. A day for love. A day for couples. A day for all the single people out there to feel worse about themselves then they do already.

Ya know...I remember back in elementary school when Valentine's Day meant going to every store looking for the PowerPuff Girl Valentines, writing a persons name on each one, sticking a sucker or some chocolate on to it, and then painstakingly dropping one in each persons pile, only to find that the girl who sits across from you got the exact same cards as you. Then stuffing your face with chocolate, cupcakes, and whatever else the room mothers happened to bring. Now, Valentines Day means waking up like any normal day, getting all dressed up in pink and red with some fancy little thing made of hearts in your hair just so you can play along in this little game, going to school and painstakingly watching all the happy couples give each other roses or chocolate or something and having to listen to all your friends talk about their plans and how wonderful their significant other is and then going home and eating whatever left over candy there is. And ya know, it wouldn't be so bad if you weren't so full of hope. It wouldn't be so bad if half of you wasn't saying "Hey, don't worry about it. There is someone out there, and they will find you and you'll live happily ever after." While the other half was there saying, "You know you're never gonna find someone. I mean, let's be serious here. Who would want you? No one ever has, and no one ever will, so deal with it." And you know the second half is right but for some reason there's still that little glimmer of hope, but that only gets crushed by that other half so now there's nothing left at all. Just you. And nothing else. Heck, sometimes there isn't even any "you" left. Just this moving, breathing shell of what once was. Even though it wasn't always like this. You remember when you used to not care about this kind of thing at all. You were so happy living life the way you were, then you became even happier, and then for some reason, you became extremely depressed and it changed your whole world. But now, your whole world is love and you can't get it out of your head. You wish there was something you could do about it, but then it goes back to those two halves of yourself that can't seem to come to an agreement, and there you are...stuck in your circle of what you pass off as life.

But that's just my view of things.

Guess Who's Back?

"Cause nowadays these kids, jeez
Don't give a sh*t about lyrics
All they wanna hear is a beat and that's it
Long as they can go to the club and get blitz
Pick up some chicks and get some digits
And the DJ's playing them hits
Oh, this my jam, this my sh*t
We don't know a word to a verse,
All we know is the chorus
'Cause the chorus repeats the same four words for us
And the songs ginormous, the whole formula's switched
'Cause we don't know anymore, what are hits
Is it the beat, is it the rap?"

          -Syllables by Eminem

Told ya. Em knows how to tell it.

I was doing some pretty intense thinking today, and ended up with this: Eminem's songs generally fall into one of four categories:

1. The sillier, nonsensical songs (We Made You, The Real Slim Shady, Just Lose It, etc.)

2. Songs about his real life (Mockingbird, Hailie's Song, The Way I Am, etc.)

3. Generally mainstream songs (Like Toy Soldiers, Stan, Cleanin' Out My Closet. etc.)

4. The incredibly twisted, mental, phsycotic songs (3 AM, Kim, Just The Two of Us, etc.)

Probably isn't anything new to anyone. Just thought I'd point that out. Personally, I like the the songs about his actual experiences more than the sillier, nonsensical stuff, but that's just me. And who doesn't love stuff like "3 AM"? Those kinda songs are usually pretty epic.

That's all I have the energy for today. So long, and good night.

Still Nothing

"So, so I put away, put away, put away, put away the words you never said to me

And the scar that's open wide
You turn away, turn away, turn away, turn away, you turned away from me

And never said goodbye
And all the words, the words, the words, all the words that you ever promised me

Were never spoken
And here I am, here I am, here I am, I'm not afraid of you...

But still broken"

        -Still Broken by Blue October

Oh hello stranger.

I'm sorry for not writing for such a long time. I haven't really felt up to it. I still really don't, but I don't want to forget about this blog either, so I'm writing what I can for now.

So I recently learned that C.B. Hudson, lead guitarist for Blue October, left the band in December. I was shocked, because one: I hadn't heard of anything until just now, and two: every band I know and love is either losing members or breaking up entirely, and Blue October was the one band that was doing fine...until now, I guess. But seriously. MCR lost their drummer, Bob, last year, Fall Out Boy broke up entirely, Panic! At The Disco lost two members and so did Paramore, and then Blue October was the only one left. I'm just glad they didn't entirely break-up...I don't know what I'd do then.

Ueerrghh...I'm all sickish right now. Which is entirely inconvinient because I've got another show choir thing tommorow.

So anyway...here. To tide you over until I get back into the groove of things, here are more of my favorite Blue October songs. You're welcome. Again.



Huh...I never noticed that all my favorites are the slower, sadder ones. Maybe I should throw in a loud angry one to even it out?

There we go. All better.

B-b-b-boring

"No, I'm not saying I'm sorry
One day maybe we'll meet again
No, I'm not saying I'm sorry
One day maybe we'll meet again
NO NO NO NO" 

                            -Closer To The Edge by 30 Seconds To Mars

Most inspirational music video ever.

Well, I haven't done anything for an entire week due to the fact that my city declared a snow day every day last week except for Monday. Oh, yesterday. Yesterday I went to my first show choir competition, and also a State Speech competition. We didn't win either one, but that show choir competiton was the most amazing event I've ever been to. I don't even know why. The whole time I was there I felt awesome, even more so when I was on stage. I guess it's because the arts is kind of my calling. I love the limelight, which is kind of ironic considering how shy I am.

I was really gonna write more but I just drew a complete blank. So...bye.

Two Things That Have Nothing To Do With Each Other

"'Cause I found the way to live with that
I'm not going anywhere
I thought you'd only make me weak
That's wrong
I knew it all and you knew it all
that it's never gonna work
To wait for someone who could stop this rain
It just rains"

                            -Space Sonic by Ellegarden 

Oye. These last few posts have been so negative sounding. Let's see, what else is there anyway...

Hmm...tommorow I'll be heading to my first show choir competition and also my second speech competition. Why they had to be on the same day, I do not know. But, we've made it to state with our short film for speech, so it'd be awesome if we won. As for show choir, we were supposed to go to state on Thursday, but the radio waves were garbled and we misunderstood, cuz we thought it got canceled but I guess it didn't and bla bla bla. So anyway, now we're here and performing for the first time tommorow. And I could not be more nervous. Why? Because. I am a terrible dancer. I honestly can't even believe I got in. I mean sure, I'm an okay singer/actress (Yes, acting is a part of show choir) but I suck at dancing. Almost as much as I suck at math, but that's a different story.

I reeeaally wanna get a piercing. I don't even have my ears pierced cuz my mother is defiant. I'm gonna get an industrial (bar through the top of my ear) when I move out. Maybe even some snakebites. (double lip piercings) Of course...that'll make it difficult for me to get the job I want, but...if they can't accept me, too bad.

When I think of more non-negative things to write, I certainly will.

Cellophane

"Tell me with so many out there why I always turn to you?
Your goodbyes tear me down every time
And it's so easy to see that the blame is on me"

                                 -All I Ever Wanted by Kelly Clarkson

Something really interesting happened to me last week. I turned invisible. No kidding! And it still hasn't worn off. So now people just walk right into me and don't even realize it. I even had one guy try to make off with my backpack because he didn't see that I was attached to it. And the best part, no one has to listen to me anymore! Nope, they just continue living their lives without a second thought. So, awesome for everyone else, eh?

In other, less bitter news, a ginormus snowstorm has clouded over the midwest, which just happens to be where I live. I am litterally snowed in my house, can't go anywhere. We've got a little over a foot of snow, and it keeps coming down. There wasn't any school today, nor will there be tommorow. Pretty much every business is shut down, even Wal-Mart is closed. You know it's bad if Wal-Mart closes. It's actually kinda cool, if I look out the window facing my backyard, the snow is like right there. This could turn out to be very bad, but right now I'm enjoying every minute of it.

But other than that, there's really nothing else. Nothing else matters. No one else matters. I don't matter.

The Best of The Best

"Well I hope I'm not mistaken by the news I heard from waking
and it's hard to say I'm shaken, by the choices that I make
and well I find it hard to stay, with the words you say"

-Honey, This Mirror Isn't Big Enough For The Two Of Us by My Chemical Romance

Here are my favorite things as of right this very second.

Bands:

My Chemical Romance-Duh.

Blue October-Double duh.

Green Day-What's not to love? It's Green Day, for crying out loud.

Linkin Park-I have a feeling this is somewhat of a phase, but they're a good band regardless.

Good Charlotte-Again, another phase. Still a great band.

A Rocket To The Moon-They have a lot of awesome songs that I can rock out to. Whoo.

Eminem-This guy is amazing. 'Nuff said.

Songs:

Time Of Your Life(Good Riddance) by Green Day-Because this song holds a lot of meaning to me. And it's an awesome song anyway.

The Kids From Yesterday by My Chemical Romance-New song. Good song. Loud song. Kenzie's song.

18th Floor Balcony by Blue October-I could honestly listen to this song on loop forever.

Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri-I heard this song on the radio a couple months ago and fell in love with it.

Waiting For The End by Linkin Park-Bought it on Tap Tap a few weeks ago, can't stop listening to it.

Airplanes by B.o.B. featuring Hayley Williams-Yeah yeah, this song is old news now. But I just learned to play it on piano and I fell in love with it all over again.

What A Catch, Donnie by Fall Out Boy-You have to listen to it to figure it out. So go do it.

Annie by SafetySuit-Really pretty song that I can still rock out to.

Food:

Macaroni and cheese-Never get tired of it.

Mexican-Cheese and meat. Doesn't get any better than that.

Steak 'n' Shake-While this is not a food itself, this place does have amazing stuff.

KoolAid-Also not a food, but I've been addicted to this stuff lately.

Slushscicles-They're like popscicles but they're just slush.

Movies:

Titanic-Makes me cry everytime.

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World-You MUST see this movie if you haven't already. Epic.

The Producers-I LOVE this movie. So Much.

Nightmare Before Christmas-Hey, you can watch it on Halloween OR Christmas. WinWin.

Elf-This movie is hilarious. XD

Mean Girls-Honest to god, I know every word to this movie. So not even kidding.

TV Shows:

Family Guy-Pretty self explanitory. XD

MAD-Show on Cartoon Network that probably no one has heard about. But its just my type of humor.

Adventure Time With Finn & Jake-Another Cartoon Network show. I really love Cartoon Network.

Robot Chicken-Oh look. More Cartoon Network.

Made-I dunno. This show is the only thing on after school so I guess it grew on me.

Tosh.0-Awesome guy. Awesome show.

Whose Line Is It Anyway?-Ooold show. Well, the 90's, but still. I love improv, especially when these guys are involved with it.

Glee-You knew it had to be on here somewhere. But anyway, yeah. Glee. Awesome show.

Places:

My room-The only place in the world where I can go and not have other people bother me.

Japan-I'm pretty sure I explained this one somewhere along the line.

Hot Topic-I mean, seriously. Have you ever BEEN to one of those? Amazing.

Hmm...that's it.

The One And Only...

Hello people. Here is my favorite Blue October song. You're welcome.

Oh Look. Art.

"God bless us everyone
We're a broken people living under loaded gun
And it can't be outfoght
It can't be outdone
It can't out matched
It can't be outrun
No!"

               -The Catalyst by Linkin Park

May I just start by saying that it is extremely freaking cold? Brrr...

I'm going to learn another piano song tommorow night. I don't know which one yet. But I just thought that tommorow, I'd get lost in music and shut out the rest of the world. The world is much too complicated, anyway.

In other news, thanks to a friend of mine, I am in the process of reading an amazing book called "Paper Towns" by John Green. It's the first book that I have actually wanted to sit down and read outside of school. Yeah, it's that good. I've read some other really good books in my lifetime. Like in 5th grade I read this book called "Walk Two Moons" about a girl who goes on this roadtrip with her grandparents to meet her mother. But it was more of a story inside a story than just a novel. Then there was "Hurt Go Happy" about a girl named Joey who is deaf and finds friendship with a chimpanzee that knows sign language. That one was really interesting, probably my favorite book. Not that I read a lot or anything. In fact, I guess you could say I generally avoid reading...unless of course its an awesome book like one of those three.
That's all I have to say today. So...the end.

Culture Shock!

"Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than f*ckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're f*ckin' perfect to me!"

                         -F*ckin' Perfect by P!nk

So I've made up my mind. I'm moving to Japan as soon as possible. Granted, that probably won't be until sometime after I'm out of high school. But who knows? Anything is possible. I honestly miss it there. Like, while I was in Japan last summer, I don't think I was homesick once during my whole stay. And here I am now, actually wishing I could go back. Things are so much simpler there. Have you ever really noticed how entirely complicated the United States is? Oye.

And the people. I know I already said this in my last post, but seriously. The people there are exceptionally better than people here. They're way more polite and reverent than us, and they're super understanding. It's pretty rare to come across someone like that here in the US. Plus there's the whole super-awesome-education thing, but that's almost beside the point.

In short, Japan is awesome. I can't wait to get there.

Mish-Mosh

"Well, I'm gonna get out of bed every morning... breathe in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breathe in and out... and, then after a while, I won't have to think about how I had it great and perfect for a while."

                                  -Sleepless In Seattle, 1993

Well, there's an upside and there's a downside.

The downside is that I'm at this sort of "inbetween stage". Half the time, I'm depressed out of my freaking mind, and the other half I'm completely fine, not a care in the world. I haven't figured out how to control when each one happens yet, and it's really quite confusing. Like I'm bipolar or something.

But anyway, the upside is that when I do feel fine, it's amazing. I've been doing what I talked about in my last post, giving my love to everyone. I am apparently very capable of smiling.

But anyway, too much too soon. Let's talk about something else.

When I grow up, I plan on moving to Japan. I wanna be an English teacher there. Before I do that, though, I really wanna spend like maybe six weeks there as an exchange student. Last summer I went for 2 weeks, and it was the most amazing thing I've ever done. I really wish I had more time there, because Japan is really an amazing country. The people there are the nicest people you will ever meet in your life. Seriously. Even if you can't communicate with them, they're still really amazing.

Have I ever mentioned how absolutely in love I am with Blue October? Yes? Well, too bad. You get to hear it again.

I am currently listening to their song, Balance Beam. Amazing little song. (Have you ever noticed I use the word amazing a lot? It's amazing.) Justin knows how to tell it like it is, kinda like Eminem. He (Justin) and I are kind of like in many ways. It's pretty cool.

So...here's to hoping things turn out well, eh?   : )

I'm Not Going Anywhere

"Everybody put up your hands
Say I don't wanna be in love
I don't wanna be in love
Feel the beat now
If you've got nothing left
Say I don't wanna be in love
I don't wanna be in love
Back it up now
You've got a reason to live
Say I don't wanna be in love
I don't wanna be in love
Feelin' good now
Don't be afraid to get down
Say I don't wanna be in love
I don't wanna be in love"

                                      -I Don't Wanna Be In Love by Good Charlotte

I found this beautiful little song. It's actually quite interesting, because the lyrics sound like me. Even better, the video someone's made for it features Morning Musume, which is my favorite J-Pop group. But these lyrics...well here, just listen. You'll see what I mean.

Pretty, huh? I mean, the video was really well done, and I love this song. You know...I think I'll do the same thing I did for 21st Century Breakdown. Here goes.

This is why I always wonder, I'm a pond full of regrets
I always try to not remember rather than forget

I thought I was the only person who did that. The whole trying not to remember rather than forget thing. But I guess not. Plus the whole regrets thing. I regret a lot of stuff. Unfortunately.

This is why I always whisper when vagabonds are passing by
I tend to keep myself away from their goodbyes

I hate saying goodbye.

Tide will rise and fall along the bay
And I'm not going anywhere, I'm not going anywhere
People come and go and walk away
But I'm not going anywhere, I'm not going anywhere

I think basically what this line is saying is pretty much this: Bad things are a part of life, and you've got to learn to smile through them. You will lose important people, but it's okay. You've gotta keep going. I've been doing that a lot lately. And I've decided...I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going to change, or alienate myself from my friends like I usually end up doing. Doing that would only hurt other people. So for now, here I am. Right where I'm supposed to be.

This is why I always whisper, I'm a river with a spell
I like to hear but not to listen, I like to say but not to tell

That whole "go-to person" thing fits in here. I do try to help people with their problems, really I do. But sometimes I just don't wanna listen. I have to think about myself once in a long while.

This is why I always wonder, there's nothing new under the sun
I won't go anywhere so give my love to everyone

Lately I've been expanding my horizons. Paying more attention to people who I normally wouldn't talk to, laughing a lot more, making friends...giving my love to everyone.

Tide will rise and fall along the bay
And I'm not going anywhere, I'm not going anywhere
People come and go and walk away
But I'm not going anywhere, I'm not going anywhere

And here's this line again.


In short, this is my new anthem. It's a better message. :)

Why I Get Out Of Bed In The Morning

"A world so dark
A world so cold
A world where only some will go
But not return, when will they learn?
Where do they go? God only knows
Stay Wide Awake"

                        -Stay Wide Awake by Eminem

We all have days when we absotively posolutely don't want to get up in the morning. But here are some good reasons to beat that feeling, no matter who you are.

Friends

Friends are definitely one of the most important things in anyone's life. They make you smile on days when you feel like crying. So if you've still got that stubborn "I'm not getting out of bed" feeling, those awesome people in your life can easily make it float away.

You're Needed

And guess what? You won't know why or how until you decide to get out from under the covers. So why keep yourself guessing? Get out there and do something.

Life Has No Rewind Button

Remember that time you thought about going to that thing, but you figured "Eh, it's not worth it" so you didn't go but then the next day you found out that pretty much everyone was there and they had a great time and you missed it? Yeah. Life won't wait for you. Who knows what you're missing?

It's A Beautiful Day

Maybe it's perfectly sunny and warm outside. Maybe it's raining and windy. But no matter what, another day has come, and guess what? You're still alive! So...get up and live!

So there. The next time you're lying under the covers thinking "What's the point of waking up today?", just think of those four things right there. Something will click, and you'll get the ball rolling in no time. Look Alive, Sunshine!

Zodiac Confusions

"I am a little bit insecure, a little unconfident
Cause you don't understand I do what I can but sometimes I don't make sense"

          -Faint by Linkin Park

So by now, most of you have probably heard about the whole Zodiac signs changing and all that. But what most people don't realize is that it doesn't affect us here in America. Something about how we use a different version of the signs and all that, I don't really even fully understand it. But anyway, this whole situation inspired me to do a little research.
My birthday is on November 22, which is right on the cusp of the Sagittarius sign. However, some Horoscopes identify it as being a Scorpio. So I usually just read both Horoscopes and combine them somehow, since I guess it could go either way. Anyway, the description of a Sagittarius is this:

Optimistic, Freedom-Loving, Jovial, Good-Humored, Honest, Straightforward, Intellectual and Philosophical, Blindly Optimistic, Careless, Irresponsible, Superficial, Tactless and Restless.  While Sagittarians are the nomads of the Zodiac, they do not wander aimlessly. They are seekers of the truth and will go anywhere and talk to anyone for answers to their questions. Knowledge and wisdom drive them and provide the energy for their liberal approach to life. Sagittarians are drawn to the philosophical and spiritual because these subjects provide answers to the questions that burn inside them.

Sagittarians are the intellectuals of the Zodiac. They are lucid thinkers who appreciate others agreeing with their conclusions. Sometimes they are so confident their deductions are beyond dispute they become dogmatic and argumentative. Still, the Sagittarian quest for information drives them to listen to anyone and absorb what they find useful and quickly disregard the rest.

It is the nature of Sagittarians to roam freely. If they feel intellectually or physically restricted they may become bad-tempered very quickly. When Sagittarians are given the freedom they need they are kind, optimistic, lucky and not afraid of taking an occasional risk. They are also a charming lot who can be self-indulgent procrastinators. Overall, Sagittarians allowed the freedom they need are a delight to be around.

Which pretty much describes me, especially that part about being so confident in what they know that they often won't accept any other reality. I am probably one of the most stubborn people you will ever meet. I get that from my mother, and its one of my most annoying traits. I hate it. Also the part about not liking to be tied down in one place for too long. I love traveling, it takes my mind off all my worries at home. I usually jump at every chance I get to get outta my house.
But here's the description for Scorpio:

Determined, Forceful, Emotional, Intuitive, Powerful, Passionate, Exciting and Magnetic, Jealous, Resentful, Compulsive, Obsessive, Secretive and Obstinate.  Intuitive and ever curious, Scorpios are the great investigators of the Zodiac. They want to know everything about everyone. When an answer is needed, a Scorpio will find it for you. Unfortunately Scorpios seem to see only in black and white. They always have their own agenda and never fail to promote it.

Scorpios are the masters of their fate. They know only one way to live: on their own terms. They do not live life but attack it. When life hands them a loss, they do not waste time sulking, but rather continue on their path, sure they will eventually succeed. Scorpios are driven by their intense passions and desires. Often they are seen as imperious.

Scorpios are a secretive lot. Those around them may never know the depth of their passions. Probing the Scorpio psyche will only make them leery and cause them to flee. Whether in business or play, Scorpios love to compete. Indeed to do well, they must have an opponent. Scorpios do not take slights well. If you cross them be assured they will retaliate with their full force. Scorpios never quit and never surrender. If anyone can get a difficult task done it is a Scorpio.

That last paragraph is amazingly true. I hate talking about myself or anything to do with me. And if anyone asks me how I feel or what I want to do, my answer is usually a shrug followed by "It doesn't matter to me." even though most of the time I have some sort of opinion about it. I hate being asked questions like that. It's always been that way.

So I guess I'm a half-and-half. Half Sagittarius, half Scorpio. Of course, this only makes things more difficult on my part. But I'll live. Was complaining in either of those descriptions anywhere? ;)
 

Keyboardy Techincal Junk

"I've got troubled thoughts

And the self-esteem to match

What a catch

What a catch..."

                        -What A Catch, Donnie by Fall Out Boy

Today I sat down at my old, pretty-much-obsolete Yamaha PSR-210 Keyboard and started pressing the keys. Now, I'm a pretty decent piano player. I took lessons for three or four years, and now I mostly play by ear. I have no trouble figuring out the meoldies, its the chords that get me. It helps if I look stuff up online and get a general idea of what it's supposed to sound like. Anyway, that's what I did today. I started playing "Time Of Your Life (Good Riddance)" by Green Day, one of the only songs I know how to play all the way through. Then I started working on another Green Day song, "Last Night On Earth". I've had the melody for this one for awhile, and I guess I decided today was the day I'll learn it all the way through. So, as usual, I looked up the sheet music online and skimmed it so I knew what most of the notes were. Then I tediously picked out all the chords and other keyboardy technical junk. And somehow, I ended up with a song. It actually sounded really awesome...better than I'd done in a long time.

Anyway, my point is that music makes you feel awesome, no matter who you are. It's a universal language that everyone understands. That's why I started with song quotes at the top of all my posts. Music Saves Your Life.

How I Got This Way

"I don't know what's worth fighting for

Or why I have to scream

I don't know why I instigate

And say what I don't mean

I don't know how I got this way

I'll never be alright

So I'm breaking the habit tonight."

                       -Breaking The Habit by Linkin Park

Today I was writing in my journal type thingy and I decided to look through some older writings. I don't write in it very often anymore (I've had it since I was 12 and I've only used the first 60 pages) but when I was younger I wrote a lot. I went back to the very first entry...and almost didn't believe that I had written it. It was dated 2008, so yeah, I was 12 years old. The entry started out with "Dear Journal". Yuck. But worse than that, the whole thing was covered with smiley faces, hearts, exclamation points, and scribbles over misspellings. I even dotted the "i" in my name with a star. So I flipped to the latest entry. No smileys. No hearts. Not even any exclamation ponts. I flipped through the whole thing from front to back, noticing that slowly, ever so slowly, my peppiness level was going dooown. Which is just fine with me. But it kind of bothered me in a weird way that I can't really explain. Like, that was how I used to be. What happened? Have I really changed that much in three years? So I wasn't always this hovering rain cloud that moped around trying to avoid any social contact what so ever. I used to be kinda...happy. I wonder how that happened...

Bring It.

"Hey, girls, you're beautiful. Don't look at those stupid magazines with sticklike models. Eat healthy and exercise. That's all. Don't let anyone tell you you're not good enough. You're good enough, you are too good. Love your family with all your heart and listen to it, too. You are gorgeous, whether you're a size 4 or 14. It doesn't matter what you look like on the outside, as long as you're a good person, as long as you respect others. I know it's been told hundreds of times before, but it's true. Hey, girls, you are beautiful."

                              -Gerard Way of My Chemical Romance

While this is obviously not a quote from a song, it is a quote that I find extremely heartfelt and true.

It sucks when you feel like you're not the prettiest or the best at something, or even when you feel like you're not worth anything at all. Believe me, I've been there and back more times than I or probably anyone else could count. But there's two ways of looking at things. Sure, you could sit around and feel sorry for yourself because you don't think it's worth it. Or, you could say, "Screw it" and completely remove all that negetive junk from your head. You can stick up that middle finger to everything, anyone, everyone who has ever said no. It's possible. It takes a lot of courage and strength, but it is possible. You gotta look the world straight in the eye and say, "Bring it."

Now granted, I will admit that it's next to impossible to keep your chin up all the time, 24/7. Sometimes you have to kind of die inside in order to rise from your own ashes and believe in yourself and love yourself to become a new person. But it's that strength and courage I mentioned earlier that helps with that. No matter what your situation is, if you have this mentality, it helps. A bunch.

         “Be yourself, don't take anyone's s***, and never let them take you alive.”